two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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