i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
