Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
