I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
