I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
