Who did Billy Mays play for?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
