I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
