Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
