I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
