I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
