the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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