It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
