I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
