You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You took a bar mat shot.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
