Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
