Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
