If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
