There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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