wakey wakey hands off snakey
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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