I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
