Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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