Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
