I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
