this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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