Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
