unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
