We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
