i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So vagazzling was a success
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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