I heard we made out
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
