I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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