New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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