I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
