Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
