i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
