At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
His nipple licking is glorious
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