chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
