I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
