I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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