Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
