I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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