I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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