dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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