I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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