She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
