she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
