Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
