i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
