Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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