i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
time to smoke my breakfast
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
