i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
