I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
