you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Randomize
