i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
