i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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