dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
