There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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