it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
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It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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