I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
