everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
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Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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