am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
