Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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