My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had sex on a dog bed..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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