I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
