everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Randomize
