her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're like the curious george of whores
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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