i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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