I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Randomize
