You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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