the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
