I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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