if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize