I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to sanitize my soul.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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