Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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