Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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