He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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