Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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