woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.