Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
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Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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