I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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