I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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