You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
