I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
