Who did Billy Mays play for?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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